10 thoughts for 2006

Number 10
Life is sexually transmitted.

Number 9
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate
at which one can die .

Number 8
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him
Without an erection, make him a sandwich.

Number 7
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a
Person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

Number 6
Some people are like a Slinky.....not really good for
Anything, but you still can't help but smile
when you shove them down the stairs.

Number 5
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday,
lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Number 4
All of us could take a lesson from the weather.
It pays no attention to criticism.

Number 3
Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars
And a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?

Number 2
In the 60s,! people took acid to make the world weird.
Now The world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

AND THE NUMBER 1 THOUGHT FOR 2006:
We know exactly where one cow with Mad-cow-disease is located among
the millions and millions of cows in America but we haven't got a clue
as to where thousands of illegal immigrants and
terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of
Agriculture in charge of immigration

Great people talk about ideas,
Average people talk about things,
Small people talk about others...

The Spanish Computer

A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike
English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.


"House" for instance, is feminine: "la casa."


"Pencil," however, is masculine: "el lapiz."


A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?"


Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two
groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether


"computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun.


Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.


T he men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the
feminine gender ("la computadora"), because:


1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;


2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is
incomprehensible to everyone else;


3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for
possible later retrieval; and


4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending
half your paycheck on accessories for it.



(THIS GETS BETTER!)



The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine
("el computador"), because:


1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;


2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;


3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they
ARE the problem; and


4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a
little longer, you could have gotten a better model.










The women won